When writing dialogue, I’ve been trying to stick to the simple “he said/she said” tag, with an occasional “asked.” Also, I’ve been leaving tags out completely whenever it’s clear who exactly is doing the talking.
Recently I wrote a scene for the novel in which four people were having a discussion. Because they all participated, I found that I had to use either tags, or a bit of physical action to point to the speaker. Anyway, it ended up reading like this:
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“I usually omit dialogue tags,” said Fred.
“You don’t use tags?” asked Sue.
“Oh,” said Maggie, “pay no attention to him. He always uses tags.”
Mike shook his head. “No, Maggie. You’re wrong. You should read more of your husband’s writing.”
Maggie rolled her eyes. “I’ve read everything,” she said.
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See that? A little heavy-handed, wouldn’t you say? I know clarity is more important than style, but still…
Has anyone else run into this in a multi-character conversation?
I don’t see the problem with that. You haven’t overused the tags and it’s clear who is speaking. It’s not heavy handed at all.
Sometimes I feel exactly the same way. I’ll have a scene with only two characters, or maybe three but only one is a woman, and it’s so easy to leave out the speech tags. And then I’ll have a scene with a large group or something and there’s no other choice but to include speech tags almost every time the speaker changes. I don’t have an answer for you, though. I think we just have to find a way to do it, but not over do it. (Yea right, like that’s easy). Anyway, I still don’t think it’s bad, and if you put in action for the characters sometimes it works better.
What you’ve got there is fine. If you feel that you’d like to prune tags even more (a stylized choice, not a requirement), then the answer lies in character development. You can use behaviors and speaking styles to make it clear who is talking.
For example.
Behavior: Suzy is a nervous girl who is always twirling a strand of hair around her finger. If some speaks who is doing that, the reader will know it’s Suzy. No tag needed.
Speaking Style: John can’t say a sentence without inserting “man” in it somewhere. So, “Don’t yell at me, man… it wasn’t my idea!” is not going to require a tag at all. We know it’s John.
Between the suggestions above, the omission of tags when they’re not needed, and the “invisible” use of he/she said when necessary, you should have enough tricks in your arsonal to keep it varied and interesting.
Just please avoid “said bookisms”
P.S. I can’t believe I just wrote “arsonal” geeez
Sample dialogue looks fine to me, too. Sometimes, I get too sensitive to a stylistic change I’m trying to make. For example, at one point I got so down on adverbs that I twisted myself in knots to avoid them. A few years later, I finally realized it was OK every now and then for someone to say something “lightly.” Maybe this is a similar situation.
Thanks, all, for the thoughtful replies. I’ll try to respond to everyone in one post.
merrilee: maybe the reason it just doesn’t “sound” right to me is that I’ve been wrestling with tags lately, and thinking too much about little things.
shari: It sounds like we’re coming from the same place on this. “Do it, but don’t overdo it” – exactly!
ken: you offer some good points about characterization and dialogue there. Of course, in a novel there’s a lot of room to develop these things. (oh, and don’t worry, I’m “bedeviled by typos” myself)
erica: actually, adverbs is another thing – I actually read all about the horrors of adverbs (if I remember right) in Stephen King’s On Writing. But I do use them, I just try to be aware that I’m using them.
I handle dialog the way you are describing. I try to avoid using dialog tags as much as possible. Instead I will use action when I need to for clarity or if it’s appropriate for another reason (but only if it doesn’t seem contrived.) When I have to use tags, I use the basic he said/she said. Very rarely will I use a more flashy tag, and only if it really works.
I try to keep in mind what I like and don’t like to read. I hate it when authors spell things out too much. (I’m not stupid, I can read!:) )